We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

The Onanist

by RAT TRAP

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD

     

1.
The Goo God 03:56
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: I am the goo god I am your new god You will all bow down Before the goo god All goo is born from my folds I am eternally old I ooze wherever I go I ooze more than you can know I am a pale sickly green From all the goo I secrete My altars are the same You will all know my name I am the goo god I am your new god You will all bow down Before the goo god If you ever have goo Coming right out of you Then know that you’ve received A sign from me And if you ever witness A great goo vision Then know that you are A chosen goo warrior I am the goo god I am your new god You will all bow down Before the goo god I am the goo god I am your new god You will all bow down Before the goo god
2.
Nothin' But Neck 03:12
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: I ain’t gonna eat no fucking veggies Real men ain’t eat no corn or broccoli Fruit is bullshit and grains are for the weak All I eat is steak, fucking fight me The only time I eat some lettuce Is on a motherfucking burger Vegans are dumb and bad and can’t get buff Can’t get buff like me Bitch it’s not fat it’s muscle I just don’t need to work at it I don’t work out cause I don’t need to Bitch I’m nothing but neck Nothing but neck You don’t have enough meat chemicals You soy boi bitch If you don’t eat animal dick Your muscles don’t exist Sausage and pork are the only real food Eggs are fucking bullshit Beans and motherfucking soy protein Can suck my tiny dick Bitch it’s not fat it’s muscle I just don’t need to work at it I don’t work out cause I don’t need to Bitch I’m nothing but neck Nothing but neck Nothing but neck
3.
New Hobby (The Onanist- Part I) 02:20
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: My girlfriend left me I lost my house and my job I’m living on the streets now I ain’t even got my dog I’m losing my mind, yeah Is there anything left I’m losing my heart now I’m losing my health I don’t got nothing for comfort But this box where I’m living And this dumpster from which I am diving And robbing and stealing, yeah Nobody likes me Can’t even get no cash There’s really only one thing That I still have left And that’s public masturbation And that’s public masturbation And that’s public masturbation Traumatizing everybody around now And that’s public masturbation And that’s public masturbation Whipping my dick out for everyone Spinning it in the wind, yeah And that’s public masturbation, I said it And that’s public masturbation, you know And that’s public masturbation, I do it You can’t escape me when I masturbate
4.
Florida Love Song 02:12
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: When I first met you You sucked my dick for cash to go buy crack The next time I saw you You were naked and running around on meth But the third time I saw you I knew you would be my one and only Because that time I saw you You were trying to steal an alligator from the zoo Take me to Walmart baby I’ll bask in the fluorescent lights Take me to Walmart honey We might not steal that TV but we can try Baby I love you More than I love doing meth Baby I love you More than I love petty theft Baby I love you More than I love sex offenses Baby I love you More than I love being naked jumping other people’s fences Take me to Walmart baby I’ll bask in the fluorescent lights Take me to Walmart honey We might not steal that TV but we can try
5.
Meat Volcano 01:24
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Do you want to know what RAT TRAP is? RAT TRAP isn’t a band. RAT TRAP isn’t an artist, or a collective. RAT TRAP isn’t a label or a company. RAT TRAP is a state of mind. A state of being. You don’t listen to RAT TRAP, or play in RAT TRAP- you either are RAT TRAP or you aren’t. Most of you will never really understand. RAT TRAP is eternal. RAT TRAP is an ever-present beat in the hearts of men. RAT TRAP has been here since before the first life formed in the primordial soup of a newborn world and RAT TRAP will remain long after the sun has swallowed the earth whole. RAT TRAP is as it was as it shall be. RAT TRAP is God. RAT TRAP is Satan. RAT TRAP is weed. RAT TRAP is a starfish made of eyes floating in a pool of thoughts. RAT TRAP is a ghost on a cosmic journey along the great material continuum. We’re on that journey. And you’re on that journey. Along seas made of butter, because that’s what your mind is, man. The journey is us. The journey is you. The journey is everyone. Everywhere. The journey is RAT TRAP and RAT TRAP is the journey. RAT TRAP is everything. And RAT TRAP is nothing. RAT TRAP is gay.
6.
Do The Rat (The Onanist- Part II) 01:02
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Today we’re gonna do the RAT TRAP dance It is the dance where you masturbate in public We are gonna do the Rat today, do the Rat! The Rat is the dance where you Grab your penis and run towards women Go into public, run at your mom Or your siblings that are female, siblings that are female Masturbate in public, masturbate on some kids Masturbate on teachers, masturbate on your parents Masturbate on your kids, it’s the Rat! Do the Rat, and do the Rat, oh oh oh Do the Rat, oh oh oh, uh oh Do the Rat, masturbate in public, yeah! Oooh! Yeah!
7.
Bloated Fuck 01:56
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Hey Glenn Beck, you can cover up your neck As much as you want but you’re still a bloated fuck Do you really believe that we’re all so naive That we don’t know what’s under all those scarves Hey Glenn Beck, you can hide behind your desk But we all remember what you look like under Those presidential busts and those bald eagles But I guess it’s your show, so I don’t know You stupid bloated fuck, what has become of you now? You stupid bloated fuck, what has become of you now?
8.
Linworth Fight Song 00:45
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Home School Kids Smellin real bad Tryna make me So freaking mad If you wanna fight That’s what you’ll get If you come around I’ll ring your neck Linworth kids, we’re outta control Dealing with you fricks has taken its toll Linworth kids, we don’t mess around We’ll run you dummies right outta our town If you come from Thomas And you think you’re cool If you come around here We’ll break your juul If you’re a Kilbourne kid Then I’ll kill your kids But you will find their bodies Buried in a ditch Linworth kids, we’re outta control Dealing with you fricks has taken its toll Linworth kids, we don’t mess around We’ll run you dummies right outta our town
9.
Gay Nazis 02:17
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: A bunch of strong aryan men Strapped down in black leather We do not like the straights We only need each other Hey, we’re the gay nazis Hey, we’re the fascist fags Hey, we’re the gay nazis Have you seen our uniforms? Everyone is led by this handsome brunette We’re bigots, but not when it comes to dick The german empire will secure the white race And remove all the straight’s so everyone is gay Hey, we’re the gay nazis Hey, we’re the fascist fags Hey, we’re the gay nazis Have you seen our uniforms? Hey, we’re the gay nazis Hey, we’re the fascist fags Hey, we’re the gay nazis Have you seen our uniforms?
10.
Anal 00:16
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: None.
11.
The American Way Has Turned American Gay 02:33
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: I was born in 1954 To parents who hated the blacks They both served in the second world war And joined the KKK when they got back America used to be strong When all the women knew their place in the home A bunch a buff men who worshipped god And everybody had a hundred kids or so But now these fucking millennials Soy boys with dyed hair Are ruining good christian folk Neo-marxists everywhere I remember when times were good And everybody hated minorities We didn’t like the blacks, gays, or jews But now they all think that gender isn’t real The american way has turned american gay And all the women have turned into lesbians Tolerance is overrated, it was so much better when we all hated The blacks and everybody went to church But now, we’re just a bunch of fags And there’s a war on christmas I don’t understand, what it means to be trans So it’s probably a lie the leftists made up The american way has turned american gay The american way has turned american gay, yeah I'm a cold blooded american; I give thousands of dollars to every police officer I see, I shoot mexicans, and I say “merry Christmas.” Never fucking cross me.
12.
The Cum Song 01:46
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: My face feels kind of crusty but I don’t know what it’s from I don’t know what to do because I don’t know what I’ve done I don’t know how I got here cause I don’t know where I am My biggest question, honestly, is what’s this on my hands? I don’t know where to go because I don’t know where I’m from I don’t know who to talk to cause I don’t know who I trust I don’t know what my name is cause I don’t know who I am My biggest question, honestly, is what’s this on my hands? What’s this on my hands, yeah? What’s this on my hands? This world is such a mystery that I can’t figure out Nothing makes any sense, my mind is filled with doubt I don’t know where I woke up, I’m in this strange new land My biggest question, honestly, is what’s this on my hands? I haven’t got an idea what anything is called I don’t remember this building, don’t remember these walls I’m not even completely sure if I’m a woman or a man My biggest question, honestly, is what’s this on my hands? What’s this on my hands, yeah? What’s this on my hands?
13.
Fuck Geese 02:44
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Walking down the street fucking looking for geese Waiting for one of ‘em to fucking honk at me This sidewalk is all covered in goose shit If I see a fucking goose I’ll shoot it in the dick I’ll ring it’s stupid bird neck till it’s dead on the ground Then I’ll fight it’s whole flock; It’s time to throw down I’ll piss on their corpses as a warning to others Any geese that fuck with me should say goodby to their mothers Fuck geese, they’re stupid cunts Fuck geese, they’re gonna get fucked up Fuck geese, they’re stupid cunts Fuck geese, they’re gonna get fucked up This is my one true passion Blasting these avian bastards in the back Back to back or all at fucking once You want to come at me, prepare to get fucked up You can’t punch with a wing, motherfucker That shit is nothing, you bunch of bird suckers Fuck these birds, I think it’s time to end this Kill you like a sickness, bitch, birdemic Fuck geese, they’re stupid cunts Fuck geese, they’re gonna get fucked up Fuck geese, they’re stupid cunts Fuck geese, they’re gonna get fucked up
14.
I Have No Mouth But I Must Cream 00:05
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Sometimes, when I eat tomatoes, I get the sores.
15.
Two Headed Penis 01:46
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: Once, as a boy I was roaming about The county fair just outside of me town When I saw a tent with a sign outside Said “this must be seen with your own two eyes” So I walked in and I stood with the crowd And waited for something to pop right on out T’were a man walked on stage, said if we were squeamish We should avert our eyes from the two headed penis It brought a tear to me eye and shook me to the core I’d never seen anything like it before I’d been all across Ireland, and Scotland and Whales But never before had I seen something so rare Again! It brought a tear to me eye and shook me to the core I’d never seen anything like it before I’d been all across Ireland, and Scotland and Whales But never before had I seen something so rare But never before had I seen something so rare But never before had I seen something so rare!
16.
Skinny White Boi Anthem 01:10
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: My mom packed me my lunch I said “fuck that, bitch I’m grunge” My jeans are skinny but they’re not skinny on me I’m a shitty fucking white boi I have a shrine to Tom Delonge I’m a skinny fucking white boi Do you even skate bro? Meet me at the local skatepark I’ll show you my collection of rape art You wanna ride my skateboard? No problem but you gotta be on top I’m a skinny fucking white boi I have a small penis I’m a skinny fucking white boi Do you even skate bro? I am a fucking vape god But please don’t tell my mom You want to wear my SnapBack? Sorry it’s covered in my hair crust I’m a skinny fucking white boi I fucking bathe in monster energy drink I’m a skinny fucking white boi Do you even skate bro?
17.
Anyway, Here's Smells Like Teen Spirit 00:42
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: None.
18.
Electric Fuckweed 05:15
lyrics
buy track
Lyrics: I need sedation, I don’t want to feel real anymore I want to just lay down and sink into the fucking floor Lie back and think of weed Lie back and think of fucking Lie back and think of that Sweet sweet electric fuckweed I want to lie down and feel my face melt I want my whole fucking world turned inside out Lie back and think of weed Lie back and think of fucking Lie back and think of that Sweet sweet electric fuckweed Go crazy, lose your shit Set some shit on fire you gay bitch Suck a man’s dick for quick cash Shove a fucking firework up your ass Go crazy, lose your shit Set some shit on fire you gay bitch Suck a man’s dick for quick cash Shove a fucking firework up your ass

about

The Onanist is the fourth and most inexplicably dissonant studio album by Worthington, Ohio comedy band RAT TRAP, and this time there's more rats, more dick jokes, and more sex offenses than ever before.

credits

released January 4, 2019

Written and recorded by Joseph Snodgrass and Aidan Robinson.
Mixed and mastered by Joseph Snodgrass at RAT TRAP's Basement Studio
"Skinny White Boi Anthem" written by Lee Sellers
Album art by Joseph Snodgrass

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

RAT TRAP image

RAT TRAP Columbus, Ohio

RAT TRAP is a duo of mannequins brought to life by an alien wizard beast. They also happen to make music, or at the very least, "music." RAT TRAP play punk (sometimes). They also consume aborted fetuses for Moloch, and are big fans of cereal. RAT TRAP consists of 2 members- Joseph Snodgrass on bass and vocals and Aidan Robinson on guitar. ... more

contact / help

Contact RAT TRAP

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like RAT TRAP, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Featuring Riley Pinkerton (aka The Rat Queen) from the theatrical NYC rockers, Castle Rat.
listen now